Releasing the Emotions From My Childhood

Aug 31 2014

                         Being adopted is a difficult but beautiful journey in life. I must pre-warn readers that this submission may be a little graphic. I reveal emotions about what it was like growing up as a child adopted from Romania. I tried to balance the sad with the happy in this post so I hope I don’t upset too many people. Some people may be able to relate due to their own adoption stories and some may not. For those who don’t, please keep an open mind to what I have to say. It was an emotional journey full of ups and downs as a child well into my early adult life. I am very grateful for the life I was given but sometimes you just can’t fake the emotions no matter how hard you try.

I always questioned where I came from and held on to the fact I was born in Romania. I am a proud Romanian-Canadian. I was given everything in life that I could possibly ask for. My parents Pat and Bruce are amazing people who love me. I brought so much joy to them the day I arrived home from Romania. We have the moment I arrived in Regina, SK on film, and based off of the tears of happiness my mom was overjoyed when she held me in her arms for the first time.  My dad, Bruce and I arrived six days prior to my first birthday on November 10, 1990 in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. This is where I met my mother, Pat and my sister, Tracy and remained around Regina, SK for 24 years of my life.

I am surrounded by love and support by all of my family in Canada but there was a piece of me that just felt like I was alone. I was told that my birth parents were most likely dead because of the Romanian Revolution in 1989. I did not want to believe this to be true so I held onto my Romanian nationality tightly. My Canadian family has always meant the world to me because family is there no matter what the situation and they have shown me this. They support me fully in my quest to meet my biological family and it takes a certain type of person to be ok with this. They are all extraordinary people and I am so lucky to have the same traits from both families.

I was a temperamental child with loud emotions. There were many times I would come home crying from the park because someone targeted the fact I am adopted. They would say things like “Go back to Romania where you belong.” “You’re weird because you’re adopted.” “Your birth mother never loved you, so she gave you up.” And more than once I was called a “vampire”. I was out casted by some children in my small town and it made it difficult to accept that I was adopted. I was proud of my adoption and being different but other kids did not see it the same way. Luckily at the end of the day I had my loving mother Pat to hold me tight and dry my tears. I knew those words couldn’t be true, “My birth mother didn’t love me.” I just didn’t want to believe it. I never gave up hope and as I later learned, neither did she. I find it funny to look back on those comments and now get to say, “listen buddy, she does love me!” It is a joyous feeling.

There were a lot of moments I felt disconnected from my loving family and I always felt like I did not belong. There were moments where I felt like an outsider looking in. It was not my family’s intention nor was this feeling in their control. It was out of everyone’s control including my own. Only thing that could heal it was knowing the truth about what happened in Romania.

After meeting my biological family, I feel a true appreciation for what my adoptive parents went through. Yes, I always loved my adoptive family but I was young and did not understand the struggles they went through trying to keep me happy. Now I really understand what they went through. Not until now do I understand the joy I brought to their lives and the times I may of taken advantage of the things they had to offer. In the end it didn’t matter because my mom, Pat, my dad, Bruce, and my sister, Tracy had endless love and support for me. I am so blessed to have been given the life I was given.

I do not wish for my past to be any different. I am just thankful I didn’t have to wait any longer to find my biological family and I get to be a part of their lives today. I now feel the love that was given to me throughout the years and I understand the struggles my adoptive parents had to face. I feel sorry for the stress but I know my family loves me no matter what. I cannot describe the feeling of the new admiration for my Canadian family. Allowing me to come into their lives and sharing their love with me. Making sure I was safe, had a roof over my head, food to eat and a happy life. They gave me what my birth mother wanted for me in life. I am just so happy I get to share my adult life and the next chapter with my Romanian family along with my Canadian family.

I look forward to my next journey in life and I feel ready to move on. I finally feel like a whole person and the void is gone. I am appreciative of every loving gesture from all my friends and family over the years. I feel so excited to share my story with everyone and I hope I touch so many people with this inspirational tale!

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